Humour on the rocks

Back to the Future (Season 1 Episode 1)

2010-11-10T08:00:00.001+05:30

Back to the future-Part1

Yes I am back from the future.One evening when I was on my way home, the road was eerily quiet with dark clouds rumbling in the distance ready to dispose their contents. A flash, then again another one. Soon the road was engulfed with white light that blinded me and I was in a trance. When I woke up in what seemed to be a UFO i was surrounded by mysterious creatures. I was led to their leader(henceforth known as Gocha for Pete's sake shall we) who was around 7ft long in the horizontal. Gocha spoke to me in Swahili which I was naturally fluent with thanks to the Saturday afternoon language class.In a nutshell he said, they are from the planet “Xenon” in the “Shit Thisis Crap” galaxy far far away and have abducted me as they couldn't find a better intelligent human being anywhere on the Milky Way. They would take me into the future to show how the Earth was on the brink of disaster and that I was only person to save it. He said that this abduction and the time travel has to be a secret that i take to the grave. And then with lightspeed we went into 2054. He had warned me the sight would be gory, but i did not expect this. The blue planet was gone,almost. The blueness of the planet akin to the blue eyes was black. The oceans were not of water ,but of acid. Acid rain has wiped all of the green and whatever left untouched was untouched. We landed near what was Australia years ago.I was made to wear a cloak which would protect me from all elements. The earth was filled with.....filth.The stale air lit up my nostrils which made me choke, I had forgotten to wear my oxygen mask. I took a look around to see if I can spot a living thing. Suddenly the dark clouds gave way to searing heat as balls of fire flung from the sky. The river which was flowing on the side of what once was a mountain was vaporised in a matter of minutes.Soon the river was flowing with a different liquid-molten lava. Ofcourse I was protected by the cloak which enabled me to fly as well. I surveyed the area until I could no longer stand it, the scene was too much. I returned back to the ship where Gocha was waiting for me with hot coffee and sandwich. Notwithstanding the events outside, I had 4 sandwiches and a cuppa.( It was around dinnertime when i was abucted back in 2010 and i was hungry). Later I had Mushroom Pulao and Paneer Butter Masala and finished off with curd rice for dinner.....hmmm. Where was I? Oh yeah destruction,degeneration,degradation,dissolvation,defragmentation of the Earth. After a sumptous meal, I inquired Gocha if we can find people, living people. I needn't ask him since the Xenonites can read human minds which is how they had prepared the dinner without me telling the menu(Get past the dinner thing you moron i say to myself). The ship was steered near to my house and landed in the railway ground which was slushy,mushy and shitty(it always was like that,not because of the impending apocalypse). To my surprise my locality has been untouched by the doom and despair because I have been living there. The future me has created a living ecosystem within my locality with pairs of all fauna and flora. An artificial ozone layer was atop which protected the people from acid rain and fire balls. Gocha warned me not interact with the future “me” as it could disrupt the whole space -time continuum and send the whole universe imploding. I wore the invisible cloak and wnet through the area. The air was breezy,the climate warm with intermittent showers. I was astonished to see the whole world packed into this litle area. So we had the whole of France in the French Street, the English in the English Street, the whole of USA on one side of the USA-China street wit the other side occupied by the Chinese (have a grudge towards both of them so put them in half a street) with India occupying the largest number of streets. As for the future me,I did not look a day over 30 as this ecosystem has stopped the aging process and as a bonus i had invented cures for all the old world ills including cancer and HIV. Whats more there was no way a disease could enter a living being. Since I had engineered this protection plan I(future I) was now the defacto leader of the world.All the erstwhile heads of state were seeking asylum in my locality. All this made me wonder if the apocalypse was a good thing, for me atleast. With a dilemma I went back to the spaceship. Knowing my discomfort, Gocha said it was upto me to change or not change the events that led to this. The spaceship was running out of fuel so we had to make a pitstop at Xenon. After what seemed to be 5 lightyears or 5 minutes in actual earth time we reached Xenon and I was accorded a red-carpet welcome by the ruler KenaPo and his wife Odipoita,parents of Gocha who also happens to be the foreign affairs minister. There was continuous coverage of my visit on every major news channel as if nothing else mattered. Right from the first step on their planet to every fart (jorunos on their planet could smell my fart from miles and could tell what I had eaten the day before, here we would have a panel of experts digging my shit and still cannot make out the food i had eaten with Darka Butt not allowing anyone to speak and some guy going answer me,answer me) I made it was on the Headlines today. Keeping with the Times now we live in my every movement and gesture I made was flashed across giant screens. Hoardings beamed my images below scrolls that read “Saviour of the Earth”, “King of the Earth” , “Varungala America Janathipathi”. I was overwhelmed with the kindness and warmth showered upon me by the people of Xenon. My itinerary was for the first of the three day visit was to visit the Tomb of the ancestors and to meet and play with kids with the day ending on a state dinner attended by corporate heads and actors. At the dinner I met a girl who was attired in a simple dress unlike all the other guests. Perhaps her simple dress had caught my eye so to say. After the dinner the elders retired and a party was on in full swing. After a few moves on the stage, I needed aqua.Holding a bottle I went out to the balcony for some fresh air. At the long side she stood gazing into the distance.Something about her struck a chord in me.My heart skipped a beat whenever I saw her.I mustered the courage and went near her to make chit chat,small talk.I introduced myself to her to which she had a smirk and pointed to a huge billboard with fancy lights which announced my arrival and said she must be a fool not to know me.I was facing against the wall when I tripped over something and fell...from a 50-storey building........To be continued.

No Pictures

2010-04-17T11:11:00.002+05:30

Tweet...Tweet

I have been away from the virtual world for a long while now and haven't put on my blogging shoes since late last June. Its not for dearth of topics to write upon or opinions to express about.I did not feel the urge to blog as of lately blogging has become old style and tweeting is the new "blogging". I joined Twitter quite some time ago and you would be surprised to know how many tweets i have tweeted- one and only one till now. I found the question "What are you doing now?" strange and uncomfortable to answer every few hours or minutes given that i dont climb Mount Everest while fighting with a giant snake with a evil ring around my neck trying to usurp the powers of the underworld. Everyone is hung up on tweeting while i dont feel the need to express myself. I am aware that people like me who dont tweet are being looked upon as stone age monoliths, when an entire country like Iran is revolutionised by tweeting and everyone from Obama to Osama use this alternate medium(wow change a letter and you could go from president to terrorist like that). If creating riots in a country isnt enough, tweeting can create or mar careers as Mr.Shashi Tharoor,the junior External Affairs Minister is about to find out for what i call compulsive tweeting. Does he remember the oath of secrecy he took when he was sworn in his post? First cattle class, next interlocutor and the latest in the twit saga as the Indian English electronic media would like to call it is the muddy,murky affair of the IPL franchise. I wanted to pose him a question as to why this obsessive need to tweet all and everything given that every word or tweet you make can be turned against you by vested interests. Does he crave attention or does he want his 15 minutes of fame daily? You know what, i will tweet him that question, a bit of irony indeed. If he continues in this fashion, it will be hard for the top brass to back him everytime he shows up there with a problem and it will be back to the column in The Hindu Sunday Magazine for him soon enough. Just a thought, does Rahul Gandhi tweet?. While i write this the news channels are baying for his blood with mindless,endless debates and are going on and on like there is no tomorrow.Eeesh....And what about Twitter itself, well it has quietly become a propagnda tool for extremists, a hotbed for slandering,mud-slinging and what not..."What are you doing now?" :)

God Save our country

In the time i last wrote this blog and present, a few of my friends were wedded in holy matrimony and all my best wishes to the happy couples for a long and happy married life. And a further few more of my friends are in the pipeline for wedlock and wishes to them too. There is an old saying that "Marriages are made in heaven". It is what it is, just an old saying. It seems that marriages or nikkahs can be solemnised over telephone or internet in this modern day and age. You know where am i getting at...Of course the Sania Mirza-Shoaib Malik-Ayesha Siddique affair. Last week the Prime Minister was on a trip to Washington to attend the Nuclear Security Summit...who cares. Atleast 76 CRPF men were killed in an bloody ambush by the Maoists.....who cares.This April is the hottest in a quarter of a century...damn it..who gives a shit.Whats hot is Sania Mirza is on TV and news is she is getting married(bad) and that too to a Paki(worse). You know she was my poster girl for a while when she was in her teens and was more focussed on her game. She has a wobbly game , an awful serve whereby she cant get half her first serves in but packs a few thundering groundstrokes and forehand winners. I also watch her game unlike the many thousands who watch for something more or rather something less and would be despondent on hearing the news of her marriage. Of late many injuries and distractions kept her off the field(she broke off her earlier engagement with a childhood friend where in she wore a dress worth 20lakhs).On the other side the groom has his own share of problems on and off the field. He earlier declined and finally yielded to divorce his alleged(i dont like this word,i hardly use it) wife. He too like his present wife has his career in shambles. The sportstar couple hope to put their career back on track with this arrangement. Wedding is a private affair with family,close friends and well-wishers. But it was not to be for this star studded couple when they were hounded by the media that prompted Sania to say she does not want a trial by media.In the end elders stepped in at the right time and solved the looming crisis and desperation gave way to joy as the wedding finally took place as a solemn affair with friends and family at hand to bless the couple.In case our lady readers are interested in what she was wearing at the wedding,it wasnt a costly 20lakh diamond studded Armani,it was the same saree her mother was draped in her own wedding.Talk about passing the baton... :))

Indian Paisa League

Even as the Shashi Tharoor-Lalit Modi spat creates waves on the sidelines,the action in the middle is the most appealing to the masses. IPL-III is raking in the moolah like a blockbuster movie on roids.If you watch closely,there is a formula teleserials soaps use,whenever the drama gets a bit boring there will be a slap and tears thing to spice things up,it happened in IPL-I when they got a liitle confused whether they were playing cricket or playing to the soap masses.Nothing of that sort this year as we approach the business end of the tournament and still not sure who the three teams will be to join Mumbai Indians in the semis.The amount of money going in this "domestic" tournament is staggering. Many international stars are calling for a "window" to stage this event.I am joining the bandwagon too...please move the event so that it doesnt interfere/coincide with the exam time of aspiring students.The commentators have mentioned many a times the deafening noise the crowd makes even before a ball is bowled.I pity the students who have their housing near a stadium....:(

Good Actors..Bad Lives...

Last night i watched "The Wrestler" starring Mickey Rourke. It was an absorbing movie wherein he portrays a old,broke wrestler who battles ill health,torrid private life to do the only thing he knows and is good at,ie. play to the crowd , even if it kills him at the end. Rourke won an Oscar for this movie and the lines he utter at the end of the movie reflects his offscreen life too. He was boxer early in his days who became an actor.Hollywood turned him into a brat and he fell on bad times due to drugs and other plesures that a little fame in the tinsel town can bring.Now much advanced in age he has turned a page and returned as an respectable actor.Me hopes that he stays the course on the right side.Speaking of redemption, another fellow who is having a tryst with it is Tiger Woods.It makes me chuckle on seeing the new Accenture ad with the Deers and the Elephant.It always reminds me of the old ads which feature a mighty Tiger Woods doing mighty things on the mighty golf course(perhaps the golf course is not mighty,i got carried away).Their tagline those days were "Go on...be a Tiger".They would be eating their words now.It might...oops...may(used "might" many a time), it may as well be "Go on...be a Tiger,have violent sex fantasies with umpteen women.Tigers dont follow one-woman rule in the jungle". He had all the fortune and fame,a beatiful wife and loving family.All this got to his head and he had an alter ego of a sex addict and when both his personalities clashed he had done irrefutable damage to him,his family and the brands he endorsed. As like anyone, he will turn a page and people will welcome him back with open arms forgiving his misdeeds.Stupid world... :((

NO Heading

Elsewhere Michael Schumacher is finally back after a dramatised aborted comeback late last year when his ont-time teammate Felipe Massa suffered a freak but life-threatening accident.Michael might not enjoy the comeback as yet since he is not winning races as he used to or challenge the frontrunners. He is in a new German team (Mercedes) with a German teammate(Nico Rosberg) with old boss(Ross Brawn-dont know if he is German too,most likely English guessing from the name).Michael is now propping up the mid-field but it will be a while before he challenges for the top spot.Make me eat my words Schue.The F1 grid looks more like WW-III battlefield with an all-German Mercedes team pitted against all-English Mclaren team.But the irony is not lost as the Mclaren chassis is powered by a Mercedes engine and they seem to be quicker than the German team.Also there are five German drivers in the grid.Add a few Brazilians,Italians and few past champons alongwith an Indian team with no Indian driver and an Indian Driver in a Spanish team.Got it...neither did I.Lets move on... :)))

Back in the home front there were many festive occasions to write about.We had a great time with "Kolu" celebration during the Navrathri(see photo).After that Deepavali came and oh boy here goes.I was outta station and returned only during the Deepavali day morning.Was very tired as i couldnt get any sleep on the crowded bus back home but still managed to get a good deal on the crackers point as they were clearing out the stock.Burst a few crackers in the morning and went back to sleep during the day.Got up mid-afternoon,had sweets and started going at the crackers again.I hate to burn crackers one at a time so i got a whole load of sarams(big ones) and was bursting them.It was around 3pm and the sun was very hot.You see our street has many hutments and opposite of my house they rear cows and buffalos for milk.Naturally there will be a haystack to feed the animals.Now for all of you citybreds who pretend to not know or really dont know what a haystack is,let me tell you.A haystack is a huge,mountainous,voluminous collection of dried straws.I will even insert a satellite pic of my home,try to find out the haystack nearby.So one after the other it was going along nicely under the distant supervision of my neighbour who was anxiously watching her thatched hut.After i finished with the first set i went inside the house to fetch the next one and then it happened.My neighbour came running(not in slow-mo as in the movies) from from the far end,yelling "Pathikichu....(Its on fireeee...)".Indeed it was on fire,before any of us could react the small spark from the cracker had grown into a big worrying flame with crackling sound.In a moment the whole neighbourhood became firefifghters and tried to put out the fire.Straw/Hay catches fire from the inside,so if you think you have put out the fire,you are wrong,two minutes later,bam the fire comes back on.Half an hour and many a buckets of water later the fumes were put out and the entire stack was drenched as a damage control measure.Only then do they tell me the same place had caught fire couple of days earlier and many in the neighbourhood were alerted to go easy on the fireworks.Since we are here for more than 50years,i was spared my head and many advised to be more careful in the future.So there i spoiled the afternoon nap of many people and as i thought early in the morning the whole street should turn up when i burst my crackers,my wish was granted albeit in a different way.Later in the year nearing the New Year had a great party and i was knocked out the first time ever.Since the New Year i have been following a staunch resolution till now.Tell you about it later.Meanwhile been attending many weddings and going on pilgrimages since the start of the year.God Bless me.... :-))))

And finally its good to be back....Ciao....

To Backwaters and Beyond

2009-07-26T21:06:00.009+05:30

Videos of the week

I have been on a lot of travel recently and wanted to write about it. It all started with a trip to the state capital for a couple of days. Is it always humid like that? Man it was sultry and I was on the road for the better part of the day and took in the full blessings of Mr. Surya (no not the actor, Ra the sun god). I was sweating profusely that I had drenched my hankie that it no longer had a dry spot to take in my sweat. Came to my hotel in the evening and had a bath for a quarter of an hour,my bath time at the max would not be more than three minutes,so that's 500% increase. But the metro water only added to the woes and I felt salty all over. Disgusted I left to meet my pals whom I haven't met in a while and found a fermented barley water solution to cool myself. That helped through the night to a good sleep and in the morning woke up to the papers saying it was the hottest day with temperatures soaring to 40 degrees. No wonder I felt exhausted as there was no winds too to break the heat but the forecast for the second and last day of my trip was heartening with temp around 34 and slightly breezy. With that hope I headed back to my hotel to close out the day and run home where it will be hotter but not humid. I hate humid places. Mr. Surya was less active on that day and by early evening the sea breeze came in to save the day. Made a mental note not to visit the city during that time of the year. By night I hopped onto the train and there was this girl from the Vaanaram Aayiram movie in my compartment,wow I thought,I thanked the heavens above and chatted with her till late night. When the train came to a stop at my destination we both decided to tie the knot,so headed to a temple nearby, married and lived happily ever after. Just then the alarm went off and slapped me from my dream and took my long walk home wondering what if the dream were true.

Exactly a week later after a last minute arrangement I was again on a trip but in the other direction to my last trip. If it was Bay of Bengal the first time, it was Arabian Sea now. I was on the Tea Garden on my way to the place famous for its spice market earlier,now for remittances made from Gulf which amounts to the longest runway among airports in India and yet again on the sea front. What did I say about humid places. And history repeated itself on the first day. Spent a week there but the monsoon had not yet arrived. I had to be back at base for some work so came back to find it had been raining in Trichy while I was away. Cruel rain. After a short stint in home,I again headed back to Spice city and my friend monsoon had arrived in full force. Enjoyed the rain which had brought down temps considerably lower. By the weekend I had to make a trip from Arabian Sea to Bay of Bengal and was back on the train again(I told you I was travelling a lot). While I was leaving it was pouring heavily that I was afraid if I would miss my train. Maybe my monsoon friend did not want me to leave. I did leave and a 12 hour 700km journey took me to the other side. Have you heard about extreme climates. Well I have heard before but

experienced it first hand. Not a single drop of water on the skies but the relative humidity was as high as the crowds thronging the city. I headed straight to see my pals and all I needed was a 15 minute salt water bath to cool off,after which I finished my work. The day ran off in a jiffy and I hoped never to come back to that humid place. Again a 12 hr. journey back to spice city that night. Nearly 1500kms in 2 nights and a day and I was wondering if it all will be over. I headed to a coffee shop inside the station annex and that was when it struck me that my friend Rain had not come to welcome me. I asked for Tea and the guy behind the counter looked puzzled. I thought he had not heard me and yet again asked for tea and that's when he shouted to the kitchen in the back “Oru Chaaya”. A friend of mine had said that I should say chaaya for tea when am in this part of the country. But I insisted I will say Tea only because its a single syllable,time saving word. It can be expressed by a single English alphabet compared to the two syllable “Chaaya”. Besides if I had “Chaaya” without her knowing, she would kill me. Wait is “Chaaya” one syllable word or two? I was sipping my tea deep in this thought when I heard the remark made by a woman on the next seat. She was pointing to the dark clouds approaching the area very fast. It was like my old friend did not know of my arrival and when he knew, he was ready to burst and hug me to say “Dude I missed you”. And burst he did,less than a minute later after I walked out of the coffee shop and the station my friend was hugging (thrashing) me. The rain was so hard that there was no autorick in the stand and I was forced to wait for nearly half an hour at the prepaid counter before a driver yelled out the name of the place I was to go. I shared the ride with a fellow who was on the same route as me. He had one thing that I dint, an umbrella. That was when it hit me that whenever someone pictures a Keralite,they picture him with an umbrella. The whole day it was pouring and the same next day. My friend did miss me as my clients remarked there wasn't any rain when I wasn't there. Heavenly connections I wondered. A week and daily drenching and wet clothes later, it was time again for me to head home. But the clients insisted that I stay and be their rain man and bring rain to all their people and livestock. Unfortunately I had to leave and that night it was like a storm had arrived. My friend was angry and showing all his prowess. I had to convince him saying “Buddy you can reach me wherever I am. So why don't come over to my place and stay for a while”. Suddenly the rain stopped and the train rolled.(Awesome rhyming there with rain and train dude). I came home and I think I pissed off my dear friend. He is yet to reach my place and worse still is the news that 30 districts in UP have declared as drought-affected. Rain,Rain come again.

Doctorate Research

Speaking of syllables, have you ever encountered words where a 'j' comes in the midst of a word and not at the start. I have come across quite a few, the first being Bjorn Borg. Tell me how did you read it. If the 'j' was not present it would have been “Born” as in “Born to be wild”. Now fosho Born is a single syllable word. But when a 'j' comes there it introduces a syllable ie a stop gap when there is none. So “Bjorn” should be read as “B” gap “orn” like “Be on”. So the conclusion of my research states that “ If and when a j comes in a word except at the start it is meant to break the word into another syllable”. Now give me a doctorate in English. If you haven't heard of the ice cool Wimbledon champion, you techies should have definitely heard of “AJAX”- Asynchronous Javascript And XML. So how did you read this without applying my rule- AJAX like Ajacks. But its not the way to say it A AX-Ayacks would be correct . Now I feel like comedian Goundamani explaining to a waiter how a Paper Roast should look like . So I will let you decide the best way to read it. I know I have been thinking a lot these days. Even when I speak to someone I am thinking something in the background. My brain has grown so large that I have yet again shaved my head. This is my second this year after my first on Feb 14. I hope to make a record by shaving my head again coming December to make it three in a year with full grown hair. These words were revolving in my mind rile, Neanderthals and Nio rivoste. I had found the meaning for the first two but the last is of my making and even Google had no answer to that. I thought it would be Spanish but it aint. So I am giving the meaning to the word I created. Its “New Revolution”. Mia culpa if the word already exists and means otherwise. Now read the following words:

Economy,Finance,Divorce,Direction,Dimension,Career.

What about these words, I will tell you in the next post. But am not done yet.

Wimbledon

If you haven't heard about Bjorn Bog, you certainly would have heard or seen Roger Federer. I personally dislike the guy. He makes Tennis boring. My hero was and is Andre Agassi. Anyway this May in Paris, Roger joined Andre as the only guys who have won all the four Grand Slams in the Open Era and my man was the who gave away the trophy. A month later at Wimbledon Roger won once again in an epic final in which Federer was unable to break Roddick's booming serve right up until the last game when Roddick dropped the game and with that the The Championship. A disconsolate Roddick was gracious in defeat and was in tears by the end of it all. C'mon Arod you will maul that Fed in your own backyard at the US Open. Am with you. Just so you know that boring Federer got past Pete Sampras(whom I hate as well) as the leading winners with 15 slams. Although no Rafael Nadal was present in both Paris and Wimbledon which enabled Roger to eke out a win. Roger you know that Andy was the better player that day. Your luck will soon run out man.

MKT

I just had to write about him. He was one of the first to achieve Superstar status in Tamizh filmdom. He was M.K.Thyagaraja Bagavathar ,the pioneer of “Bagavathar crop” and more importantly he was from Trichy. It was

believed that at the height of his career he used golden plates for taking food. When Mahatma Gandhi and Jawaharlal Nehru visited Trichy, they came to his “Bungalow” and interacted with him even though he was not in politics and affiliated to the party and sought his support. Such was his fame and reach. He had a great voice and who can forget “Manmatha leelai venrar undo”. But he was wrongly implicated in a murder case along with comedian NSK who also hails from Trichy (NSK's grandson lives in Palakarai,heads up Pups your area). MKT suffered a lot during his term at the jail and he lost his biggest assets, his voice and when he was acquitted finally, he ran into financial troubles. He experienced both extremes of life and later died in oblivion. I pass by his grave everyday and very few know that he lies there and I felt it my duty to highlight one of the doyens of Tamizh cinema.

Serious Issues

Now onto some serious issues. Yesterday I read a news item on the Beeb that on two separate

incidents two toddlers aged 3 and 4 shot their siblings when they were playing with a loaded gun.Of those one victim is in critical condition and the other is stable. Its one thing to keep a loaded gun at home,but its altogether different thing to let your toddlers get hold of it and “play” with it.Moron of a parents. And an even disturbing news article I read today in the papers took me by surprise. A four year old was so angry when his 18 year old relative accidentally stepped on his foot, that he went up saying he will get a gun and promptly got hold of a shotgun,loaded it with one shot, came down and blew the guy's head off. Now where did he learn to load a shotgun and use it. We guys are called the TV generation since we were hooked upto the box from our early lives and satellite TV really changed during our childhood. Our choices were limited to a few channels and anything untoward shown were immediately censored upon by either our parents or by the big brother government. Now the present Internet generation is spoilt by choices and are highly uncontrollable. Its impossible to monitor them 24x7 and keep track of their activities. The other day I was watching CN, primarily a kids channel, during the ad break Deepika Padukone comes half naked posing for some cosmetic (Fiama di Willis) telling which part of her body should be supple and smooth outlining her curves. Should this be shown on a kids channel? The actors should have a clause in their contract barring their “expressive” works from being shown on kids channels if they are socially mindful. Enough said about the TV now lets move on to its younger electronic sibling the computer. I am honest when I tell you I enjoy playing games on it. One of them is GTA2, a pretty old game going by the standards now. In that game you can steal a car,drive it rashly and run over pedestrians. Even better is that you can train Bazookas on innocent people and burst them into pieces or burn them by hurling Molotov cocktails on them. Better still is you can ride a military tank down the main road of the city and stamp down anything that comes in your way. Essentially what is mean is, the game is a violent one and I would be lying if I said I did not get a thrill shooting people indiscriminately. Yet another simple game I went through was a bow and arrow game ala William Tell where your friend holds an apple over his head and you gotta shoot the apple with a bow. Sounds simple, but if you shoot the arrow wrong you could cut his head off or gouge his eye with blood splattering all over the place. Now if an adult kid like me can get a thrill outta this, imagine if kids get their hands on this. And they can get it easily, its the availability and accessibility of these violent media that scares me. Even on the news channels they show repeated running of violent acts. In this scenario it will be difficult to shield a child from all this destructive formations, but its not entirely impossible. A teacher plays a vital role in the formative years of a child because a child spends more time in school than at home and is under the direct supervision of a teacher. A collective action plan is needed to counter all the negatives around the child and make a positive impact. The government needs to be aware of what is being promoted on kids channel and act upon it. A regulatory authority needs to be put in place to monitor all electronic media including the Internet. But they can do only so much, they cannot enter your house. A caring parent can bring control upon a problematic child and make him mend his ways. This could be the only solution to news of children acting out what they see on TV like Power Rangers and Spiderman and trying to enact them and jumping off roofs.

Human Spirit

I hope to post this blog entry before the Tour De France ends today. Its an symbol of human endurance and spirit. Riders clock over 3500kms over three weeks including picturesque mountain climbs over the Pyrenees and the Alps that will take them around the length and bredth of France . Today is the last stage to Champs-Elysees,Paris where the most consistent rider throughout the tour will wear the coveted Maillot Jaune (Yellow Jersey). Every year during this time watching those professional cyclists ride it out, I get an urge to cycle to work thereby trying to reduce my carbon footprint I leave after me. This time I made my urge public and tried out few laps on the cycle just up and down my street and was the laughing stock of the street and my guys. Will get there next time Lance. Who knows may be next year I could cycling alongside Lance and Alberto.

Until next time ciao,aregato and good day.

Tribute to Michael Jackson

2009-06-28T23:23:00.004+05:30

Obituary: Tribute to Michael Jackson 1958-2008

When i planned my things to write about a new post, i wanted to make obituary references to Natasha Richardson who died in a sking accident nearly a month ago and David “Kiddo” Carradine of the Kill Bill fame who died under mysterious circumstances while filming in Thailand.Mostly i wanted to write a travelogue about my recent travels.But that all changed in an instant when i came home from my trip and was unpacking as the news on the radio sounded like this “Michael Jackson,king of pop,passed away last night in California”. I was travel weary and couldn't beleive my ears and thought i had heard the wrong name. But then my mom seconded the news and told me it was everywhere on TV. I was too tired to think of anything and went about my daily activities as i had i go to work but i made sure to wear black. I was dull that day but somehow the news did not hit me,it had not sunk in. It came as a shock and i was not wanting to believe it. That night after work i went online and had found out that the net had slowed as people clamoured online to know if it was true. Social networking sites like twitter crashed under the heavy volume of texts being posted and Google News thought it was under attack as millions queried about him that left the site wondering if it was from a automated query generator and returned error messages to users. Then it hit me that he was really gone. I felt a weight on my heart, I loved his music and there is no denying the fact that billions on this planet feel the same,someway or the other one would have been touched by him. You can find his poster in a barber shop in any village next to our Rajni or Kamal. He transcended barriers,iron curtains,traditions and reached people's soul with his brand of music and dance.If you find a dance talent programme on TV or some inter-collegiate competitions one outta ten would would be a wannabe MJ and perform his moonwalk and the rest nine would have shades of dance moves incorporated in one form or another.

King Of Pop

Many people acquire talent in life,but only some people are gifted with it right from the birth. MJ belongs to the later group. His was a singing family and he took to singing like a fish to a water. But the family would have known that he was a special talented child and would go on to reach the pinnacle of music someday. The Jackson 5's early stardom could be attributed to this kiddo. He stood out from the crowd in early days and it was not long before he started his singles and made a name for himself. It was clear that he had a troubled childhood and in 2003 his father agreed in an interview that he whipped MJ as a child. Such violent actions can leave a child scarred for life and some of his later problems could be put down to his childhood. Troubled childhood has lasting psychological problems,would make the child secluded,made him mature earlier and his social life suffered due to that. He found solace in music and exceled in that to prove his worth in a large family. He met Quincy Jones and there was no looking back after Thriller,Beat It and Bad. He became the King of Pop and could relate to the Beatles, Elvis Presley and Sinatra in terms of fame and fortune. But you need to keep a level head when those two come your way. I really admire Sachin Tendulkar for that matter.He is a demi-god here and would have got anything he wanted.He just had to ask,but till now he dint and would not.He has largely kept out of controversy either on or off the field as he had a supportive wife and family. There the difference shows,as MJ became more and more famous he became more private or secluded. You may have hundred people looking over your needs in the mansion and you would still feel neglected if they aren't your family.

When you acheive stardom at an young age,you need a helping hand to guide you,nurture you and make you feel safe. While this will be your parents during the childhood,it will be your spouse after you are termed as an adult just by your age. He was married twice once to Lisa Marie Presley,daughter of King of Rock n Roll,Elvis, which was never going to work and lasted only 19months and later to his dermatologist Debbie Rowe which ended in three years. When you are a celebrity every single action of yours causes breaking news. They feed off you when you are Dead or Alive. He was subjected to intense media scrutiny and it was not like only the media to blame for that. Although we dont know the reason for the change in his skin tone from coloured to white,that became the subject of topic and he remarked in his song Black or White that “Iam not gonna spend my life being a coloured”. His nose falling off at times also did not help the situation. And after the millenium the child abuse trials in which he was not convicted tarnished his image further and made him recluse. His finances crippled as he was thought to be a spendthrift in toys,antiques and elctronics. He spent more than he earned every year. As his friend Paul Mccartney said,he was indeed a boy-man who did not want to grow up.

Evergreen Music

Whatever problems in life he had, he was able to create music and dance at a level that could not be repeated by anyone anymore. He was a pioneer in the art of music,dance and staging concerts. He redifined the way in which concerts are held. He had sound knowledge of technology and business acumen as how to appeal to people's senses. He peformed in India oly once in 1995 and i still vividly remember the concert as it was shown live on TV. He made his entrance to the concert from a rocket,sung and danced his heart out. He was full of energy and enthusiasm that even a worst dancer like me made a few steps following him at that time. He knew how to enthrall the audience and know the pulse of the people and act accordingly. He did “moonwalk” which by now would have entered most of the dictionaries. In Bombay he stayed at the Oberoi Hotel and had scribbled about him loving us on the pillow and on the mirror, both of fetched record prices at the auction thereafter and this at the time when we were just opening up to the world. I was glad to see his concert atleast through the telly. People behind the Iron Curtain and those in Africa found hope,independence and joy in his music. He also cared about the environment and had did his part in educating people about it.

Details are sketchy regarding his death. It was sais that he had skin cancer and was on pain medication,the overdose of which had caused the cardiac arrest. He had been practising for the next month concert when it all came to close. So we could assume that he was hearing his own music when he died. Just as his life was surrounded in controversies and shrouded in mystery,his death too generates lot of fodder for the media which undoubtedly will hold onto this for months to come. Guys the fellow is dead,show him some respect and his family's privacy. If you want to pay a tribute play his songs,that would be the one what he would have asked for. I was very much looking forward to 13^th July concert at the O2 Arena in London. The instant sale of tickets still remains a testament to his popularity. Everyone wanted to see him make a comeback and lead a peaceful life. He himself wished for it when he said that these 50 concert dates would be his last in Europe and he would retire after that. When he made a breif appearance in London regarding the concert and remarked “This is It”, I dint expect this would be it. Great people and genuises are taken away from us suddenly because when HE believes that these people are so great that they deserve to be among these mortals and i think GOD wanted to hear Jacky's music firsthand rather than on the radio. May you find peace among the GODS Michael, you have become GOD of Pop. This is also a stark remainder that we are growing older and when someone you could connect with,you idolise,you wish you were them leaves you forever part of you dies alongwith them. We will encounter more of these bereavements and Lord give me the courage to bear it.Will miss you a lot.I wish i was Davy Jones to keep my heart locked away in a chest so as not to feel any emotion.RIP Michael.

Four Weddings and a Funeral

2009-05-31T22:44:00.013+05:30

Four Weddings and a funeral

My last post was in February after the tour,after which I have been busy for a while. But its not that I haven't been writing anything to post,its just that I have been writing in parts about a myriad of topics that comes to my mind and I haven't found the time till now to relate all of them in a single post. A lot has happened in the time between my last post and this one,all of which cannot be reviewed in a single column,but will do it.

Wedding 1

Its cricket what else and IPL in particular was the first wedding. After weeks of drama as to where it will be held since it lost out to the biggest democratic process, finally two foreign destinations were chosen to hold the carnival of cricket. But first Mr.Modi what were you thinking when you pitted cricket against the elections, some of my cricket crazy friends suggested that the elections should be postponed in favour of the cricket and for some weeks the electronic media had debates and polls about which one to be moved. Thankfully my friends don't make the decision to run this country,one sane fellow from Sivaganga does and by my opinion it was the right call given the circumstances,logistics and security involved. So for the first time since I know how to make 1+1=3,democracy prevailed over money. In the end or rather the start the guys reluctantly moved it to South Africa where too elections were due. Talk about irony,we came here because elections are going to be held in our country and you have elections too. England was left in the cold as erm...it would be cold there at this time of the year with all the rains and stuff.

So to SA all the teams marched and Delhi became Durban,Jaipur Johannesburg. Finally it was time for bat and ball to speak and they screamed their heads off dint they. Sixes flew,stumps broke as Deccan charged,Delhi dared, Royals roared and Knights lanced. As things settled a clear picture emerged,brute force doesn't always work and teams with a clever leader at the helm and an astute coach seem to read and approach the game well and reap rewards. Four captain theory and fake IPL player and mudslinging dint help the poor fellow Brendon McCullum to steer his team to safety and the two top expensive England players failed to live up to their billing because of the very fact they dint play IPL-1 and were soon exposed of their weakness. Mumbai Indians clicked in parts and it was sight to cherish when both Tendulkar and Sanath sizzled in that one match. Who says Twenty20 is for the young,here are two 35+ guys running between the wickets like teenagers. Injuries kept key players away for the Punjab team as they suffered right through the tournament and maybe the tension on the field spilled elsewhere as the team owners Preity and Ness Wadia broke their relationship halfway into the season. A resurgent Bangalore team under Kumble made a late burst and made it to the semi-final stages along with CDD. But I have to admit it was like getting a overdose of it in the middle stages to sustain interest and it got a bit boring with dead rubbers being played out just for the sake of it. The organisers should be patted on the back as some allied contests,concerts were held during the games to make it a gala affair. As you all know, the all-conquering Delhi came as a cropper against the Adam Gilchrist show and were trounced,mauled,drubbed,massacred and any other adjectives of the same sense. Bangalore showed what they are made of when they edged Dhoni's men in a thrilling encounter which set up a dream finale between the bottom two teams of last year and all-South affair.

Two gentleman cricketers faced off once again as their teams sought glory on the global arena and it was the one from Down Under that took his team to glory although it was a great contest and the champion leg spinner lead from the front for his team which had to play back-to-back semi final and final while Deccan had a days rest. But I believe he will emulate his counterpart next year by going the whole yard. Kudos to Deccan. The IPL has unearthed some rare Indian talents and many outsiders too,so it is here to stay. It has beaten EPL-Football in the sense that EPL guys were thinking of holding a “Match 39” outside the country for a while now,but IPL held its whole tourney outside and has broken new ground and who knows where it will be held next time. All in all,everything went to script as the last team came first. That does worry me a bit,all going to script. Match fixing anyone.....na.

Wedding 2

The biggest democratic process that the world stops and takes notice of every five years (if you have bad coalition it will happen in 13 days and 13 months too..but generally every five years) that is our general elections. Thankfully like the IPL they dint move it elsewhere and the election commission made sure of it that they are held peacefully,fair and transparent. It was held over five phases and in some states in conjunction with the Assembly Elections. It is truly an amazing process considering the logistics,security which might be 1000times more than the IPL. It keeps the faith in democracy wherein the citizen is atleast made to believe that he chooses his leader. Even when the technologically most advanced nation uses the old ballot box and tear their hair off for counting them, we used EVM's in all the polling stations with photo electoral rolls,although some people dint find their name on it.

The parties were in election mood but they dint paint the walls red(just an expression,am not aligned with the left) as the election observers were working overnight to ensure the code. Every other leader wanted to be the star of the day on the telly and some even paid them to put on show. The media industry would have gotten of its feet from recession thanks to the generous amount of currency brought in by these leaders and one man who got the most coverage was Varun Gandhi and his cousin and sister Priyanka and Rahul Gandhi. People don't forget the guy they see on telly everyday and duly voted for them although the lady was not directly in the contest. All the media got on the election bandwagon and many papers ran supplements to cover it. Not to be left out the leader of the two main political parties had a squabble of their own and got some airwaves and print space. Down in the south the regional parties were holding sway and went all out to woo the voters. The Srilankan Tamizh issue was made an election propaganda and the plight of their lives was used for canvassing votes.

Come election day and people were out in large numbers to cast their franchise. The so called literate urban people couldn't brave the elements and did not bother to vote. But the same people would be ranting about their streets not being cleaned or debating the reason for the recession and would pose as citizen journalists on many news channels. This election had seen higher voter turnout than any other election as more youths felt the need to be part of this process. Also I think this was the first election where results would be announced in three days from the day of polling (In Tamilnadu polling was held on May13th and results for all the phases were announced on May16th). The political pundits used some complex statistical formulae and conducted surveys based on whatever sample size they could gather around a tea shop and came out with their own result that it would be a hung verdict and no party would gain a majority with the regional parties would have more of a say in the government. The results were out and people once again proved they are the wiser lot than any statistical formula and stupid surveys. People knew who to vote for in their constituency as local issues came to the fore and the status of the candidate did not matter as Mr.Palaniappan Chidambaram would know of as he lost the seat and won it back again on the same margin of a paltry 3000votes. The traditional Left bastions of Kerala and West Bengal voted otherwise and the party is yet to find the reasons for the dent in their armour. The parties which enjoyed being part of the government till the last minute and switched loyalties citing unacceptable reasons for their switch were clearly identified by the people and taken to the dry cleaners as RJD,LJP in the north and PMK in the south would know. In Andhra Pradesh newcomer Chiranjeevi would have thought that he could have a say in the formation of new government. Now he would have learnt the first lesson in politics “Crowds during a rally doesn't turn into votes” as he himself lost out to a woman in his birth place. He started the party very late and very near the elections that he forgot to develop it at the grassroot level which incidentally was done by Vijayakant in Tamilnadu. Even though his party did not win a seat he emerged as the third best party in almost all the seats and did get a lot of vote share which is a good arithmetic for judging a party's popularity and all this without a coalition. For sure the two main parties DMK and ADMK would make note of this and would not ignore him in the coming elections. Both DMK and ADMK improved their tally from last time as ADMK got off a nought and won the lucky number of seats of the party head and DMK twice as much.

At the national level both BJP and Congress had gained in the biggest state at the expense of the BSP and SP. But Congress was clearly the winner. In 2004 both of them had been neck and neck in the tally of seats won by them(BJP-108 and INC-116) and INC was heavily reliant on the coalition to see through five years. Now though they have turned the tables as they beat BJP comprehensively and even crossed the 200 mark which in turn means less reliance on the coalition partners and more ministers from the party as was evident from the DMK's post poll scenario. Projecting Manmohan Singh as the prime ministerial candidate did the trick as Sonia silenced any notion of Rahul being billed for the top job although he is clearly groomed to be the next PM. His decision to go it alone in UP did wonders for the party and he did a tireless campaign crisscrossing the country and focusing specially at the top where his party was lean.His magic did work and he has the charisma and personality traits of his father. He cleverly targeted the youth and got not only their attention but also their votes. Slowly he will be inducted into the cabinet and rise in the ranks to be the top guy in five years time. Only thing now left for Congress to do is to bring democracy into their own party and conduct elections for party post instead of direct appointment from the top which cost the party some vital seats due to infighting.

The loser in all this was the BJP as they readily accepted defeat and Advani offered to resign for the debacle. The instability at the top with many leaders projecting Modi as the next PM and the Advani's silence on the issue was part of a reason that did them in. Modi is a star campaigner and he should have been used as such. I feel the biggest reason for BJP's defeat was Vajpayee not vouching for the party. As far as I know he did not issue any statement asking to vote for the party or attend any meeting which may be due to his failing health. But he should have made an appearance and read a few lines which would have lent a huge boost to the party's chances among the secular votes as he is the secular face of the party. He is akin to INC's Manmohan. Congress used him well,BJP dint. Now the party has to assess the reasons and should align themselves to the changing trends and appeal to the voters differently.

Saying all this, I have written more than a page on election and you would be inclined to ask if I had cast my ballot and been part of this vast exercise. The answer is “NO”. I desperately wanted to vote this time but due to unavoidable official reasons I was away from my city during the whole week of the process. In this day and age of the internet we should take a step beyond postal votes and go in for e-votes where in we could go in to any polling station anywhere in the country and be able to vote for your constituency by producing your documents. After all your photo and other details are available in the database which should be made accessible at any station. Upon verifying the details the polling officer should make arrangements

to cast your vote. Sounds easy but not impossible to implement. On the result day I had visited the website created by the EC to publish the results and as all things government the website went bust on the day of reckoning due to several hits. So my idea of e-vote will be just that, an idea.

Wedding 3

This one is personal. No I did not run off and get married without telling you guys,just a different kind of wedding. Last week this day my existence in this world entered a quarter of a century. My movie entered the silver jubilee year. I wonder how long would the movie run for golden,platinum or palladium. As every year passes,my question to me would be “What can you boast of having given to this world” and am still searching for an answer and now my humourous side says “Hey,you have given a blog that people can read of and be enlightened”. Yeah right, as Goundamani would say to Senthil “You better write this question on a Thanjavur Temple “Kalvettu” and sit beside it so that future generations would learn of it and be prepared for it” and would beat the hell out of him. So I guess my gift to the world as of now is this stupid blog where I scribble upon when I find the time. I wonder what the next two and a half decades holds in store for me. Whatever it holds,i will write upon it when I encounter them and have friends in you to share them with. I had a thought the other day that before any of us guys take the big step that is inevitable and looming large (am talking about marriage), we should go on a roadtrip somewhere where we should be in control of the wheel and go on wherever the road takes us. I dreamt of fixing a puncture in the middle of nowhere,meet a village girl and drink out of her pot(no two ways about that) to quench my thirst and be involved in some adventure like taking a wrong turn and ending up in the woods. Since many of you guys will be tieing the knot next year or so, we should put this plan into action by this year's winter. What say you members of the jury...i mean you guys. Place your views on the comments.

Wedding 4

I don't know what wedding 4 is actually as I thought 3 weddings and a funeral would be stupid so I decided to go with the movie. Although I did go to a real wedding last week where the groom was my friend,who got married at the right time before he lost all his hair on head. Anyway now he would lose all his hair and can be happy about it for he has a reason.

Funeral

Here comes the sad part of it. While we were out discussing the effects of this election, a neighbour country was witnessing a gruesome end to a civil war. The leader of the rebel force Velupillai Prabahkaran was killed in military action thus effectively bringing down the curtains on a long running civil war that lasted for nearly 25 years. I'm not for or against his
ideology or for his choice of struggle for freedom,rather am a neutral observer who would like to look at his life differently. Seeing the photo of him with his shy wife beside him you could mistake for any regular family album if not for the camouflage overalls on him. I wonder what his life would have been if he had chosen a different path in life. He would lived a simple life just like all of us do and would just be another life form. Instead he chose a path whereby the history of Srilanka cannot be written without mentioning his name. The place where Sita was taken away from Sriram now hopes for a new beginning of a chapter which will be a peaceful one if the government wants it to be.

Thats all folks for now as I leave you with shots from the movie of an obdurate girl who turns it around.....for the shrew in you.

Tour de Kodaikanal

2009-02-01T19:56:00.003+05:30

Tour De Kodai

Recently my friends and me went on a tour to Kodaikanal. This trip was in planning for more than two years and after various reschedules including the shifting of locations from Shimla to Goa to finally Kodai for reasons of time,money and such. After a lot of ifs and buts as to who will be on the trip(I wasn't sure of making it until the day before due to “Work”), Kodaikanal,at a height of just over 2000mts above MSL(how do they measure it, should have had a long measuring tape),beckoned us to its beauty,although in winter there is not much to see.

So this was the schedule : our friends from all over India(overstatement) and abroad(honest) were to meet at base camp where a luxurious van with a friendly driver will waiting for us to hail us up the Princess of the Mountains and to have a jolly time for the weekend and be back on Monday which was thankfully a holiday ,due to our becoming Republic some 60 years ago and nobody cares about that now, the only holiday for months to come.

As far as schedules and estimates go,they are only just that Schedules and Estimates. Here are the actuals:

Night 1:

After finally deciding on the mode of transport,a couple of friends and me(including that NRI who had landed earlier in the week and made that mandatory trip to family temple) decided to meet at the Station to be on the train on which the majority of the touring party will be.
Contrary to nature I was the first to arrive. I was the first to arrive. I was the first to arrive. I was the first to arrive. No its not a typographic error,just to drive home the point that I was on time,punctual. I was joined by the other friend Pangali 10 minutes later who had earlier asked me to call before starting and would reach even before me. After pleasantries we learnt that both our tour bags were won in contests,we had tea later and booked tickets for the three of us although we didn't know about the whereabouts of him.Our train was supposed to arrive at half past midnight from Thalainagaram(state capital) but I learnt from Pangu that it was nearly 30 minutes late as it was a long distance train which starts from Rajdhani(National Capital. As the station was full of holiday crowds,we paced through the length and breadth of it for a suitable spot to lay our bottom on. We received info that my namesake NRI had reached our city and would join us in two minutes. Two minutes,five minutes,ten minutes passed no sign of him. We wondered if he had completely forgotten about the city after his stay abroad and mistook some lights on his way for the city and got off there. 20 minutes later he joined us,explaining the reason for his extended arrival to foot bite of his new slippers. We agreed. It was the first time in 2 years I'm seeing him and it looked to me like he had gotten a nose job and a bit burly. The timing of our train was confused as the display boards showed it to be different for each of the languages the train name was displayed. So we headed over to the info booth where the guy behind the desk announced that our train would be nearly two hours late. So naturally we had another round of tea and discussed about our various friends and what they were up to and things he procured from Obamaland. Meanwhile we heard over PA that another special train would be heading in the same direction and would be arriving in a few minutes. So we headed to that platform and waited for it. The train came and and the doors were locked and found out that we would be allowed inside only if we were wearing bright red all over. Only my namesake was wearing a faint red top and so we weren't allowed.

We headed to the next platform and inspected a couple of magazine parcels and waited for our superfast train and there she was the queen of my dreams,she swept past me and my heart skipped a beat. Butterflies in my pot belly. I couldn't dare stand in her way or I would be rammed to my next life. “She”-the train arrived and it was no less of a love story that we boarded her unreserved compartment and found a few of our waitlisted friends there.Then we hopped to the reserved compartment hoping that the TTE wouldn't be around at the wee hours and started our journey.It was a two-hour journey for which we waited four hours.We arrived at our base station and the terminal at the station said we had arrived late by an hour.Next we looked for our van,since we were late,the driver figured he could catch a nap and went off to doze. We woke him and headed next to the Bus Junction where some of our friends had arrived much earlier than us from the Garden City and were waiting (what else to do you ask),picked them had a mini tea party to start off our day.

Day 1:

The effect of the hot tea soon weaned off as we started to climb the mountain and many of us were feeling the pinch of early morning winter having been used to 30+ temp. Good thing I was in my winter gear and capped off with a monkey cap. Earlier I was told that the monkey cap was out of fashion and ever since I was counting them on heads to support my claim. A 2 hour climb resulted in us reaching the destination and we unpacked in our cottage and relieved us of our morning duties and had tea. Since the agenda-ellora was thrown haywire we decided to go with the flow. We ventured into reserved area of the forest after breakfast thanks to a recommendation from the forest department where we were promised wild animals would be on view. The narrow road took us up and down as we stopped midway to get in the scenery and feel nature around us. I was the first to venture deep in the troughs and crests. By this time infinite number of photos were taken from half a dozen cameras already. I didn't feature in many of them as I heard in a Pandiarajan movie that photos decrease your life span. After 500 odd photos and an hour later we reached Perijam where there was a beautiful natural lake,the boating lake up is artificial I believe. We trekked,photoed,photoed and trekked. No sign of wild animals though. Only their early morning kakka,jaangiri,kanni vedi or whatever you call it were to be found. We kept this until it was time for lunch. Before we headed up we found some mountain water,it was tasty cool and slightly muddy. This is water in its purest form untouched by the pollution of the cities. The whining van driver had already told us to get some snakes which we figured were snacks and gave us a “told-you so” talk when we said we were hungry. Back on top we headed to one cluster hotel. As expected the hotel was full and the service wasn't good. This was visible as a quarrel broke out in the adjacent seat when a very hungry and angry customer didn't get his papad. He was yelling and after he left the hotel we got generous amount of papad which we didn't know existed on the menu. After the late lunch we lounged about in a flowerless park where a bunch of drunkards peed on every tree they saw. By evening we set about for boating in the lake and we were the last one to receive tickets so we had to wait for eons and struggle with others to get a boat. Once again the protagonists of the slipper-throwing incident(guys your incident became so famous that some journalist guy in Iraq tried the same thing on George Bush) were put in a twin seater love boat hoping for some Moondru Mudichu action that either of them would rock the boat. Nothing of that sort happened. After boating couple of them crazy guys took cycling around the lake,I opted out as I thought pedalling a boat and cycle didn't make much of a difference. Besides there weren't any beauties to follow them on a cycle. Instead we chose to do some shopping and bus full of very outgoing Keralite college waved to me,teased my friends and everyone they could lay their eyes upon. The cyclists returned and we headed for the warmth of our rooms.

Night 2:

I leave it to your wild and vivid imagination.

Day 2:

After an early morning tea and vadai we learnt that all of Kodai was full due to the holidays we decided to do our part to reduce the rush,so we vacated the four rooms of which two had extra beds. We used the extra bed while in the other room as I saw in the morning they didnt,four guys in two beds huddled up against each other to fight the cold. After an energising hot-green water bath and after much discussion as to where the breakfast should take place we ate breakfast but not before another X number of photographs were clicked(all hail digital cameras). A tea later we headed off to see the rest of Kodai. The caves made famous by the shooting of a movie fifteen years earlier was our next stop although they have fenced off everything that offered a view and charged us for it. Next on our agenda was more hills,rocks and peaks. What else would you expect at a hill station?. So another set of rocks and views later it was time for lunch. Time considerations,heavy traffic and ever complaining driver forced us to have lunch at some North Indian restaurant serving so-called South Indian meals. The food was not good and we beat a hasty retreat after which we did some home made chocolate shopping,the last of which I finished right now. One last location before we head to base camp and the toughest of them all. I was exhausted at this point and the bad lunch didn't help matters either. Since our van too large for the narrow path the happy driver stopped way before where he could have stopped and let us walk a mile more. As I was drained I was the last one to follow and the terrain was unforgiving to say the least, we had tread each step carefully. The view was spectacular and of course it deserved another hundred photographs and we weren't even to the “Spot” yet. The spot made famous by another recent movie was a rock structure which extended from its parent and it offered expressway passage to heaven or hell as the case may be. I didn't step onto the rock as did a couple of others,but those who made it made sure their solo snaps were taken to be given to prospective brides to prove their daredevilry. I didn't sign up for the adrenaline rush the spot offered as I watched the proceedings from a safe distance. Who technology doesn't reach the farthest part of the world. Now here is a remote place and to my right was a makeshift tea shop(where else would I be) sellling cuppa instant noodles on which you could pour boiling water and minutes later you would get hot noodles. To my left was the real deal of digital age. The professional photographers not to be outdone by the digital technology had on the go Epson printers where you could print your digital photos in a second. I certainly believe next time when I come here they would using the digital Polaroid camera which has built-in printer just out now. Meanwhile the guys finished off their photo session and we were ready to leave. I hauled myself off my back and reluctantly followed but eager to reach the top. Climbing back was harder than I thought it would be. So after regular rests and tips about how not to breathe through your mouth when you are heaving I made it to the final pitstop beating a certain couple with sticks on my way. A lemon soda later,something against the ordinary I didn't go for the tea I felt recharged and even had the sense to ask a foreigner where he was from and reminded that Aussie he had dropped something. Still climbing we met some smoking(literally) hot Aussie girls at a tea shop(we had something in common both having tea but I was put off by their smoking). So I decided against asking her about ASL(S I know I but AL not sure of) and headed up. Up on the road we finally headed to where the van was and cooled off our heals in the stream nearby. We bid adieu to Kodai and started our journey back to base camp and the driver nearly lost it a couple of times while following that brute of a bus. The first time was horrible a foot closer and we would have made the morning news along with a photo of crumpled remains of the van. We decided it was best to have tea and the driver for once agreed with us.

Night 3:

We reached our base camp famous for its Thalapakatti biryani and decided to try it for dinner. After dinner it was time to part. Few of them were coming to their homes with me as the day next was a holiday. Others were heading to their respective places. We took leave hoping to meet soon and boarded a bus back to home town. Sleep was a long way off so we talked about various issues and how to make the world a better place and bring about world peace in short we put a topic to pass off time and pass off it did when we noticed we had reached the outskirts of the city and we arrived at nearly the time we boarded the train two days ago. It was that time to exchange pleasantries and take leave. Curiously I declined an invitation for tea by my friend and felt fishy that I did so.My local bus had already gone to its shed way before I landed and decided to take an autorickshaw along with a friend known to us as Kurudan who goes in the same direction. The driver didn't ask much and we got into it. Familiar sights passed and we reached the Head Post office roundabout where for some reason the driver parked in the middle of the road. Suddenly a huge crash and it took us a while for our weary brains to figure out that a motorcycle rider had a head on collision against our vehicle. I don't know whose error of judgement it was whether the auto driver or the motorcycle driver who had ample time to cross us over. Anyway it was the perfect example of a head on collision of a small object against a slightly bigger stationary one. He slammed into the auto and was thrown into the windscreen where the wiper dug into his head and he was bleeding profusely. Within seconds we were rounded up by not less than three traffic wardens (in kodai I didn't see even one of them and here there are three in the same spot) and they concluded their little investigation that fault lay on the auto. As I said it took a while for us to realise what had happened and get out of the auto which was largely unhurt except for a big dent in the front. This caught the traffic warden's ire that we “ejukated folks” didn't get out earlier than expected and he started hurling abuses at us for this incident. The motorcycle driver was apparently dazed and was carried off to a nearby hospital in the same auto that he had crashed into along with the pillion rider. After he was carried off the warden let us off. So we were in the middle of the city with no transport option and we still had some way to go. We contemplated walking but by then another auto arrived on the scene and we were brave enough to trust the driver to take us home safely. I dropped off my friend at his street and headed for my home. Finally I was home and had my share of adrenaline rush although it felt different. The Tour de Kodai was over.

I know what you are thinking but no I don't have photos of the auto incident. Had I taken a photo I would have incurred the wrath of the Traffic Wardens and been writing this inside a jail cell titled “My Experiments with Midnight Auto”. Here are the other photos that are aviailable right now.

Kodaikanal Photos

This is a tour special and my longest blog yet. Regular post will follow next week.

New Dog Old Tricks

2008-12-21T19:48:00.004+05:30

New Dog Old tricks

James Bond has returned. As promised last time, I have watched the movie by which I mean getting up at 6 in the morning and downloading the parts of the film patiently for four days under the “Unlimited” slot that my ISP offers from 6 to 8(they offer it from 2am to 8am,but never in my right sense would I get up at 2 to download a picture,not at least now).So I expected such a painstaking effort on my behalf would be rewarded by a very good espionage picture left me with no Quantum of Solace not even an iota of solace although many physicists would argue that quantum is smaller than iota. But that's not the point, Casino Royale set such standards that you expect more every time the next instalment(is it instalment or installment) comes up. I watched CR at the theatres and absolutely loved it. Daniel Craig was raw and untouched by the Bond gimmicks of Girls,Gadgets and Gas Guzzlers. One could also forgive the product placements of the producing company. I was so pissed off after “watching” it that I decided to “watch” the other Bond movies once again to wash off the harmful effects of this movie. That gives something to look forward to get up early in the morning in this winter when you want snuggle in your bed till the clock strikes 8.30 and five minutes after that. Well now I'm into Golden Eye. Rant over.

Scarlet Pimpernel

Keeping with the espionage plot,I would suggest reading of this book that you would be aware if you were a “matric” in 10^th standard. Its called “The Scarlet Pimpernel”.Still dont remember it “Matrics”,it was our English-II subject along with one act plays which I don't remember much except for that diamond theft play where one guy sits in a high-backed chair. The Scarlet Pimpernel was a very good novel thanks in part to our English teacher who made it all the more interesting by scheduling one chapter of it on alternate Fridays. Add to that that the syllabus was changed that year and the supplementary book did not came out late in the very end of December, so our school had only one book and that was the teacher's copy. So every other Friday she would read it or ask any of us to read it aloud and we would be all ears to the one chapter allowed for that Friday. Sir Percy Blakeney was the big daddy of Commander Bond. He too had a girl named Margrette. She was French and a villain in the form of Chauvelin. I do not want to ruin the fun any more. You can read his exploits here,courtesy of Project Gutenberg.(BTW Project Gutenberg was the big daddy of Google Book Search).

Layout

I have made some improvements to my blog layout like the ones you see to your right. My personal favourite is the chat box. On a more serious note,by now you the media consumer would be aware of the atrocities committed last month in Mumbai. Every nitty-gritty details of the heinous act were flashed across all the English news channels to serve the purpose of think tanks across the border(never mind the flip-flops,we know they are from your country Mr.Zardari) who were in constant touch with the terrorists informing them of the happenings. Enough has been said about the role of Visual Media in such circumstances and how they could jeopardise the mission of commandos by beaming every activity of them. It is up to them to impose self-restraint while reporting these events. If not the government could impose a media blackout to stop them like military jamming mobile signals during a curfew.

Hope the New year brings in good changes. So another year has passed and I'm writing down the same New Year resolutions as I did last year. They are learn swimming,learn French,trim up your body and go to France to watch Tour De France not necessarily in that order. If you have read my earlier posts you would find that France has more nude beaches. Mama mia(I know its not French). Until next year....

Seasons' Greetings.

Oh i almost forgot(not almost totally),here is the video of the week,month and year.This is a show running on HBO based on a Mumbai call centre(no no no,no kinky stuff here).Just watch the pilot and i really do love the theme music.

Quantum of Solace

2008-11-02T19:59:00.017+05:30

Quantum of Solace

James Bond is back to seek a quantum of solace. Daniel Craig as the blue-eyed spy, has really transformed Bond from a gadget geek to a more physical,human form that more of us can connect and one day aspire to be.I have watched all the Bond movies right from Dr.No to Casino Royale, even the spoof one. It is tough to keep a franchise alive this long (QoS is the 22nd of the series). I can't think of many other franchises that have lasted so many movies,Star Wars comes to mind but it was only seven movies ,correct me if i'm wrong and it took place on a galaxy far far away that you and i can't relate to. In my next post i'll review the movie after i have watched the film.

Anil Kumble

I write this post on the day Anil Kumble has retired from the profession he worked for 19years.He took it as a profession more than a sport and could be categorised as a workaholic.He is the kind of guy that is always there but you have never noticed him all along simply because of the fact that he does his job quietly and doesn't make a fuss about it.The big boy from Bangalore has changed a lot over the years from being a spectacled spinner among the Karnataka boys with idly power(Srinath and Prasad) to a captain and lone century maker in a series.Many will remember him for his 10 wickets but also a gentleman bowler who played with respect for the game.Cricket is no more a gentlemen's game as we are losing one after the other.Expect Dravid to be next in line and the inevitable will happen all you Sachin fans out there.Be prepared for it.

Ayrton Senna

There are two ways of retirement from a profession.One you could take the decision when you want to leave and the other being a forced one.Ayrton Senna was the best driver in F1 until his death in the 1994 Imola Grand Prix.His was the last death the sport has seen yet.Men like him,geniuses in their works are immortalised by the way they take their work to a new level.Heath Ledger is also one of them.People are not born great but are made great by the way they die.If you die of unnatural causes people tend to notice it and remember it more than those who die of natural causes.As i write this the title deciding Brazilian Grand prix is about to get under way and one of the contender Felipe Massa is a Brazilian as Senna was and he could feel the weight as Senna was the last Brazilian Champion.But i could not digest the fact that Lewis Hamilton is comparing himself to Senna.He has raced in less than 40 races and already he thinks he is Senna.Such arrogance on his part makes me wonder if Lewis wouldn't suffer same fate as Senna.

Holiday

On a lighter note i'll start writing about movies i watch and refer them to you.Its another matter that i watch them on mute as i wouldn't want to incur the wrath of my home members.So naturally i make up a story only with the visuals sans the dialogue,many a times the story turns out to be completely different than what i had in my mind.Its a good thing that HBO is showing subtext for visual-only idiots like me to catch up with the dialogue.Rececntly i saw the movie Holiday featuring Cameron Diaz,Jude Law,Jack Black and Kate Winslet.Mentioning her name takes you back to Titanic doesn't it.But no hanky panky stuff here.It's a story about two depressed girls either side of the Atlantic weary of their lives exchanging places.Dont want to ruin it for you,so trust me and watch it next time it appears on your telly.I particularly like this movie for the British accent of Kate Winslet(she is after all a Brit) and not only me much of America loves a Brit Accent as is evident from Simon Cowell.If you couldn't find the movie read the whole story on Wiki.

101 ways to kill your husband,virtual that is:

One woman killed her husband in an social network online game because she was divorced on the game.Its a game woman, women and electronics don't mix well.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7688091.stm

Aslo try tihs lnik

http://readingtest.sytes.org/

Videos of the week

Moongchi Kuthu has become a Olympic Sport,dont believe me,it was included in Beijing 2008.The objective of this game is to pretend as though you are fighting your opponent and suddenly out of the blue you have to attack the referee,whoever fells the poor referee wins.Nice

James Bond will return

2008-09-01T06:40:00.009+05:30

Memoirs of Geisha

Well not exactly a geisha. The last few of my blog entries have been serious to say the least, so Mr. Al Gore and his global warming slide show would have to take a backseat … for now.

Olympics

Exactly a week after the Olympics ended, I feel a void and can’t get over the fact it’s over and it will not be until 2012 that I would see this sporting extravaganza. It was the thing that kept me going through my work day. Many thanks to Caroline Cheese, Ben Dirs and Pranav Soneji, they were the live-text commentators on BBC Website for the Olympic fortnight and they did a fantastic job of keeping me updated on every other sport that was on offer with the classic Brit humour. Many of you would agree with me that these live-text commentaries are much more fun than the real thing, it doesn’t need your undivided attention and you could always catch up with what went on earlier. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have known who Vicky Pendleton was or for that matter the Paraguayan Javelin thrower as well (I’ll save you a Google, her name is Leryn Franco, woohoo).These GB woman athletes are some beauties, as my idea of a woman athlete was 95% man, 5% woman on seeing those West German athletes high on testosterone. China has opened its great wall to the world. Through sporting excellence and corrupt judging, it has overtaken USA in the medals tally, although media in USA don’t agree with that since they rank by total number of medals won. The star of the show was Usain “Lightning” Bolt who won blue riband events of 100m and 200m in style and showing off for it which irritated the old guard Jacques Rogge. His prowess was matched in the pool by Michael Phelps although one of his medals was “awarded” to him(Conspiracy i tells ya,a big worrying conspiracy).
Evidence
On home front our national pride was somewhat restored by winning three medals and at 50th place we are improving albeit at snails pace. Frankly I didn’t expect a medal so early into the games as we wait till the last day for some medal let alone a gold one.

My Games

During the games I was kindled to perform myself and I set some Goals like I should learn swimming, run in the morning (compete in the next Olympics against Lightning Bolt) and cycle to work to get into good physical shape. Then I recalled from my college days that Goals are long term ambitions like say in 5 years, objectives are month-wise and targets are short term to be achieved today. I was glad that I didn’t set any targets or objectives, rather goals, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it for the next four years at least. By then the next Olympics would have happened and I would have set the next set of Goals and so on. Yes I’m a lazy pumpkin with a big flab in the stomach.

Fun on the train
Last week I had a trip with my friends whom I have met after a long gap. I had missed F1 Valencia qualifying and the penultimate day at the Olympics for this trip. But it was more than worth it. Needless to say it was a day of fun and frolic, memories were remembered. There was almost a repeat of the slipper throwing incident as the two friends involved were also present. One was all the more happy to oblige. But he had to be content with Moongchi Kuthu alone. His every sentence was littered with a Moongchi Kuthu (Face Bump), which he meant for his good friend who had hidden his watch, of which he was not aware of. When I tried to remember him of his watch by asking him the time, he gleefully pointed me towards the large digital clock at the railway station much to the laughter of the rest of the gang. Back on the train, he gave a long lecture of what does he do at work and finally after an hour we inferred that he was crunching numbers in Microsoft Excel, chat with friends for five hours or be on leave for three days in a five-day work week. Nice jop, lubber. Hope to meet you soon guys.

Video of the week

Romanian Gymnast

GYMNASTIQUE PEKIN 2008 (REMI GAILLARD)
Uploaded by nqtv

Comment on this post or else a big Moongchi Kuthu from my friend will follow.

Food Security

2008-07-13T19:01:00.007+05:30

What is this entire hullabaloo over the nuclear deal? Everywhere in the news, papers its nuclear deal. Seems to be nothing else is happening in the country. Although there are more pressing issues like the 12 %( and rising by the hour) inflation nobody in the government is noticing it. The common man doesn’t bother about nuclear power which will light his house in 25 years to come, but how is he to provide the next meal to his family. When the prices of essential commodities are at an all time high, who needs light in 25 years when there is no family?

Ours is an agricultural country. More than half of the country is dependent on agriculture and its allied industries. Manufacturing and IT are our next major potential. Sure they provide the big bucks, but what use of it if there is no food to buy and eat. We cannot eat money. A decade ago we had surplus wheat but now we are importing it from Pakistan and most of it isn’t good. Such is the state of affairs so that in a decade we have to import every essential food item. Achieving growth in certain sectors like IT and automobile alone doesn’t contribute to the growth of economy.

Childs Play

The Prime Minister is hell bent on signing the nuclear deal, even at the expense of his government, which by majority views is not in favour of our country or needs a detailed discussion in Parliament. Earlier in the month he was quoted as saying that he be allowed to go to IAEA (International Atomic Energy Agency), NSG (Nuclear Suppliers Group) and then table the deal for discussion in Parliament. If he had gone to IAEA and NSG, the deal would be said and done and discussion of it in Parliament would be just crying over spilt milk. Someone had earlier called him a shadow Prime Minister, even a puppet. A puppet, whose strings are pulled from the far West by the look of things. Meanwhile the Finance Minister recently chided the Opposition Parties for their criticisms about inflation. He was angry that all they do was to criticise instead welcomed any advice on taming inflation. Had he forgotten that it is his job and not that of the opposition party? They are doing theirs well, if you can’t do your don’t ask advice to them, resign from the post. Stop blaming everything on the global crude prices. Both these remarks from the PM and FM are, as Vadivel would say, Enna Ithu Chinnapillai Thanamalla Irukku (Read it like him). As IBM says in its advert “Stop Talking, Start Doing”.

Green not Yellow Revolution

The urgency shown in signing the deal should be focussed elsewhere on agricultural revolution. Our country is badly in need of another Green Revolution for which interlinking of rivers is a fruitful step. Organic farming, drought resistant crops and latest technologies in farming should reach the small farmer. Sure, I accept that we need energy security. But I believe that Energy Security should and must complement Food Security. It was “India Shining” for the BJP; it will be “Nuclear Deal” for the Congress which will be final big nail in the coffin.

PS: For those from Pluto, Mars, Antarctica and for those who don’t know what’s happening in their street, let alone the country, India is about to sign a nuclear deal with US which would ban us from further testing of nuclear weapons like Pokhran even when Pakistan develops them and sells them to many countries illegally. A long one for a PS

PS: PS means postscript.

Video of the Week

BTW last week’s video if you haven’t watched it yet was by Suchitra Krishnamurthy.

This plumpy, bubbly girl with a big forehead was the most beautiful girl I ever saw on TV. That was back in my VIII std. Watch this week’s video and comment where you have seen it before

Words on a T-Shirt

Next Week Global Warming and Al Gore

Holding out for a hero

2008-07-06T20:29:00.006+05:30

Hello Everyone,

I'm back after a break,literally.I broke my collar bone after an accident that gave me a new perspective on life.Not really a perspective,a hard hit on the head and said

"Always Keep your eyes on the road you dumbass"

That's all about me.There's been a lot going around the world.

Sports Overkill

I'm sure many of you would have watched the IPL.Pakistan and Indian players playing alongside each other like brothers.Now that takes the sting associated with international duels between the two nations.Suddenly i'm not interested to see these matches anymore.Its not that high velocity anymore as they play often as rain in Mumbai.Classic example of too much of anything is good for nothing.

A career such as that of Sachin Tendulkar or Sanath Jayasuriya would be hard to replicate by the current crop of youngsters given the sheer volume of games they play and the money they generate.Even if the young players are talented the longevity of their shelf life cannot be 16 years as the legends.Injuries take their toll on some and some dont have a still head on their shoulders even after short success.If you are a sports buff last month would be a bonanza with Euro 2008,French Open and Wimbledon,Tour De France,Asia Cup,New Zealand Tour of England and Australia's Tour of the Carribbean.We have options and lot of it.It wouldnt be long before backyard cricket is televised live on any of these sports channels,there are takers.

Heath Ledger

The new Batman movie features "The Joker" played by the late Heath Ledger is being considered for an academy award.Such was his performance in the role played earlier by the likes of Jack Nicholson.Ledger died earlier in this year of accidental drug overdose of anti-depression drugs.He was very involved in the work such that he once said "Even when my body is exhausted my mind continues to work and plays tricks".This was the reason he took prescription drugs which later proved to be fatal.Hats off to a great actor and great person.

Video of the week

So thats about if folks,meet you next week

2008-04-13T14:59:00.004+05:30

India and the World

India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters…. So goes our pledge that we used to say in school days assembly. I don’t remember the next lines. Proud to be an Indian. Heck, I thought at that time where am I gonna find a wife if all Indians are sisters. But seriously no Indian seems to remember that anymore. We proudly proclaimed to others that India has unity in diversity. Barely 60 years into independence we are seeing more diversity than unity as Tamizhan, Mumbaikar or Kannadigas takes over from Indians. Almost every state in India is in loggerheads with its neighbours/not so neighbours over many issues including water, migrant workers and even petty things. The North-East feels neglected and we in South always have had a grudge over North as an old Tamizh saying “Vadakku Valarkirathu, Therku Theigirathu” (North growing, South waning). Recent happenings in Mumbai show that not all is well in Hindi heartland. And there is always Kashmir. I wonder where India would be in or would there be an India in its 100th year of independence. On saying this, we gel together and put aside our differences when an external force acts upon us. Maybe its time for another war with Pakisthan. What do you think? SMS Name to 5XXXX and stand a chance to win a trip for two to watch the war live if it happens. Your opinion matters, because we need to fill our airtime.

World View

Let’s zoom back on our Google Earth or Yahoo Maps to have a broader view. We see her neighbours.
I always wondered why Countries, Ships and Rivers are referred to in the feminine sense. That’s why I like Brahmaputra River even it causes untold damage in West Bengal and Bangladesh during monsoon. Go Brahmaputra Go. Back to Google Earth. What do we see? Pakistan, Afghanistan, China, Srilanka. Before you say I see a dog pissing on the wall, I’ll get to the point. None of those countries have civil stability. Look around Africa, Israel-Palestine, Iraq. Thousands of innocent civilians lose their lives for no fault of theirs. That guy in White House has blood on his hands and he knows it. He came to power to achieve what his father couldn’t-Kill Saddam. Sure Saddam is no martyr, but he deserved a fair trial in Hague, not to be taunted while being hanged. But what could one expect from The Guy who refused an independent inquiry into the September 11 attacks. I still have my doubts on that. Why couldn’t the planes been shot down before it hit the building? Where were the F-16 fighters? How did the buildings collapse like a pack of cards when it was hit on the top? Finally what was the intelligence doing when it had lead that plans were afoot to hijack planes. Conspiracy,Coverup. I wish I was on Crystal meth not to notice any of these. What about France, that’s a nice place to be in right? They have got nude beaches in the Riviera and 35-hour work week. Suddenly there is an arson, riot and 1000 cars are burnt in and around Paris suburbs.

Mars
I hate this world. I am going to Mars to start new civilisation. Really I mean it and there are guys out there to help me. Guys like Google and Virgin’s Sir Richard Branson. They have a project called Virgle where you start colonies in Mars in the coming 50 years or so. I have signed up to be a Virgle Pioneer. So could you. Just follow the link, answer a questionnaire and you are off to Mars.

Take a taxi to Mars:
http://www.google.com/virgle/index.html
While you are there be sure to check out the FAQ esp. the last one.
Goo goo gaa gaa gee gee……..

Audio of the Month
After a dim view of the world, all we can do is wait for the world to change. By John Mayer
Waiting on the world to change

We could do something after all. Visit FreeRice.com to fill a bowl full of rice just with your English. You could make someone’s lunch.

Joke of the Month

There was a man who couldn't talk and he wanted to learn how.

So he went to an opera and heard the singer go "Meeeeeeeeeeemeeeeeemeeeeeeee."

Next he went to a pottery store and heard a salesman going "Forks and knives, forks and knives."

Next, in the street he heard a kid go "He stole my lollipop!"

He walked around all day learning these phrases. While he was practicing he accidentally walked on a murder scene and practically tripped over the dead guy in the street. Before he knows it, he's talking to a policeman who asks "Who killed this man?"

"Meeeeemeeeeemeeeeee"

"Well, how did you kill him?"

"Forks and knives, forks and Knives"

"But why did you kill him?"

"He stole my lollipop!"

"Okay, you're coming with me mister!"

Good Night and Good Luck

2008-03-09T21:17:00.004+05:30

News sweiV

Admit it, most of us are News-Junkies. Or At least I am. It is not our/my fault that we are so given the world fact that men are more prone to news than women. Seen any woman reading a newspaper in the morning regularly? Because we men would like to stay updated on world affairs, but women, they just want to know what happens next door or happier reading the news rather than listening to it. That’s why the mega serials and soap operas have steady TRP ratings.

What constitutes NEWS?

Vernacular Newspapers have their own idea of what news should be. Everyday there should be 10 murders, 5 rapes, 6 eloping and a couple of suicides scattered throughout the paper. I can imagine the sub-editor asking his chief that they are one short of 5 rapes for the current issue and the chief editor asking him to publish some rape they published about a month ago. I mean who cares about the names if they are given a detailed graphic description of the events.
The electronic media in India goes a step further in that they show the actual events as it happens. Anything and everything is breaking news. This was a recent news item.
“Breaking News: Maha Tense”

For a minute there, I thought wow, News has become really localised that my next door neighbour Maha was tense of me dumping garbage near her house and it made Breaking News. No it was not to be, it was that Maharashtra was tense because of the recent developments and they have squeezed the news so much so they could add an advert. Don’t confuse it with Mahi, it means M.S.Dhoni. If he is tense then Deeps should have gone to Yuvi. How I hate these shortened versions. These channels come up with flashy headlines like PM and the Dragon- for our PM’s state visit to China and so on. But do they give news; no they give you their views. To get the news on a particular item you have to watch at least ten different channels, each having their own version of the events. We have the shortest attention span; whatever happened to Mumbai molestation. In a country of 1 billion people everyday women are molested in buses, trains and crowded places. But that doesn’t make news, only if it happens near an upscale Mumbai Hotel where the women themselves were too drunk at 2am and later thought that the alleged molestation wouldn’t be made such a big issue. Believe me the news channels wouldn’t let go of this golden duck and would make sure it is made a big issue by repeated telecast of the same, until of course the next big story happens. Exposes were and still are main fodder for these channels with each fighting with the other in showing sleaze in the name of entertainment news and on the other hand playing Good Samaritan with some major development happening only due to the impact of these channels publicising them. Seems like no end in sight with every year new channels and papers being forced upon us. The old Western dialogue of “This town aint big enough for the two of us” doesn’t hold true here.

My News

Ok wise guy, where do you get your news? You may ask. Well I watch BBC World. Back in 2003 when the Iraq was in full swing, one BBC correspondent reported that the Government had “Sexed up” its claim that “Iraq could deploy weapons of Mass Destruction within 45 minutes of the first instruction” citing an unknown source. There was huge furore after this and the issue was discussed in House of Commons. The source, David Kelly, a British weapons expert in chemical warfare who had worked for the Defence Department, committed suicide after he was named as the source and his body was found in the woods few weeks later. A public enquiry was held by Lord Hutton and he reprimanded the BBC and its correspondent for airing such news. Today we know that no WMDs were found in Iraq, only Oil that’s what they came for is it not? Their government did sex up the fact to justify the invasion. So whats new you ask. Many of you might not be aware or remember the above said facts. If you think that BBC is a private firm owned by some anti-Government agency think again its state owned public funded television similar to our Doordharshan. Can you imagine DD standing up to our Government’s actions? The BBC gives you both sides of the news, although after the reprimand it’s reporting of the Iraq invasion has been a little biased. Lastly they don’t shorten Maharashtra to Maha. That’s what I like the most.
Vorsprung Durch Technik.

Cool if off

Serious topic hah guys. Last time I was talking about wet underwear. Back in college this was the centre point of a discussion between two of my friends. It all started when my friend was wearing new footwear and the other quizzing him as to where he got it like had he been to temple or a wedding and stole it there. He promptly retorted back that at least he stole his footwear from temple but the quizzing friend gets his underwear from temple ponds and that too when they are wet. At this point I was in peels of laughter that I didn’t notice my quizzing friend had become furious on hearing this and had removed his slippers to hit my friend who was standing near him. He threw his slipper at him and the other ducked. The slipper flew and hit one girl nicknamed poochie dangerously close to her temples and she nearly fainted and collapsed. Believe me his slippers were of the type 3 pound wooden slippers sages wear in Mahabharat serial. All this happened in a flash and even after I realised what had happened I was laughing and I laugh louder than anything. On afterthought my loud laughter might have added have to his furiousness. Anyway no harm done, the girl survived the asteroid impact with no serious injury but a lingering headache for the rest of the day. I still laughed while writing this and it comes to my mind whenever I hear wet underwear.

Words on Tshirt:

Video Of the week

Did you notice that there are no sentences in brackets as I promised last time around? Woohoo Eaei Me.

Au revoir until next time.

My first blog

2008-02-10T11:04:00.000+05:30

Introduction

Well this is my blog. I never kept diaries and this is my first attempt. Just that if a 95-year old Spanish grandma can do it and do it well, why not me. Not to be left out, I want to own a piece of land on the Cyberspace, drive my Nano down the Information Superhighway.

Nano

Speaking of Nano, it’s a great achievement by an Indian Company to lure many eyes around the world with its Rs.1 Lakh price tagged car. Introducing the car Mr.Ratan Tata alleviated the safety concerns raised by some quarters that the all-Aluminium car had passed full-frontal impact test i.e. a head-on collision (Man I forgot the spelling of Aluminium since the word processor put a squeaky line under it. What happened to my English?). This statement (about the car not my self-introspection) is important in many ways since the engine is mounted in the boot and the boot is in the front (First for an Indian-made car). So when there is no luggage and God forbid a head-on collision takes place, there is a fatal risk to the driver and front seat passenger. The car weighs much less than an Indica, which by the way is the safest car from the TATA stable and its for no reason that recently the one millionth car was rolled out of the Pune factory. Indica is a strong car since it has many safety features and is easily maneuverable at high speeds unlike Sumo which we see in many highway accidents seen on TV and Paper. Also there are many safety tests on a car like Rear-ending, Side-On and roll over Collisions. Since the Nano is not out on the market we can hope these tests are conducted and the car comes out with flying colours(Again a squeaky line since it is UK English). We could only hope that TATA doesn’t compromise safety for Price.

Me paranoid

Call me super-paranoid but I have started to write this blog to hone my writing skills if there were any, this is why – what if a magnetic storm were to hit the Earth and it wipes out all the computers? What if all the undersea cables got cut? (Never mind if the Internet worked in Israel and Iraq (both American colonies) and didn’t work in Iran (Enemy at the Gates) and Middle East (Axis of Evil). Suddenly we are left with no Computers, no Internet and no jobs (Shout AAAAAhhhhhhhh in a shrill voice at this point). What am I to do? I don’t know agriculture, weaving and anything remotely connected with Physical work because I’m just too plain lazy. Left with such a predicament my best bet would be to write a humor column in Sunday supplement of some English newspaper, because I have forgot my Tamizh handwriting and to some extent my English writing as the most words I write is my signature. Seeing any similarities, it could happen to you. If you had found out that I missed a closing ) for the Never mind sentence above, you are a paranoid yourself. Time to seek an alternate employment that doesn’t involve this box you are sitting in front of telling you what t do.

In the coming weeks I hope (Am I using this word too much) to write on various subjects like Sports, Politics, Television and News. If you like this blog tell others, if not tell me. Ya I know stole this one from a restaurant reception. And if you happen to have a friend working in the newspaper circle pass it onto him. No I’m not talking about the paperboy or the petty shop owner. Criticisms and suggestions are most welcome. But I won’t give a damn about it. (I will try to reduce the number of sentences within brackets). Also If you are wondering why the hell the blog is named words on a t-shirt, here it is

WORDS ON A T-SHIRT:

SHIT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PARTY NAKED

Do you…

Video of the week

A great Ad with great music.Dont Know much about the bike but the music sure feels good.would make an amazing ringtone.

Watch Video

Breaking News: People tend to pay more attention to scrolling text rather than still ones and if it says breaking news.

Freebies:

It’s a time-tested strategy that when you start something new or re-launch something old you give freebies to attract potential customers. We have newspapers and magazines giving out freebies ranging from Shampoo to Jewelry leaving only wet underwear. I’m not going to give any wet underwear. Instead follow the link and you will get free Linux CD of Ubuntu. They are absolutely free, no hidden charges, no shipping just free. But please don’t misuse these links and you will get CD in 3-4 weeks.

Free Ubuntu linux CD: http://shipit.unbuntu.com

Au revoir